Forgiveness Myths
I listened quietly as my friend Jamie told me the frank details of the sexual abuse she'd suffered as a child. "I hate my father!" she blurted out. "He abused me for more than a decade!" Jamie cried. "But my pastor said if I want to heal from my childhood pain, I have to forgive."
"What did you tell your pastor?" I asked. "I told him I could never forgive my father, that I didn'twant to forgive him, that no one—not even God—wouldexpect me to forgive him!"
Jamie told me all the reasons that kept her from forgiving her abusive father. I'd heard many of them before. In fact, I'd used some of them two years earlier, when a friend I'd trusted to keep a confidence told several women in my Sunday school class about a painful circumstance I was going through. I felt betrayed by my friend—as I should have.
But forgive her? That was the last thing I wanted to do! I dropped out of the Sunday school class and avoided her at church. But a year later, when I reread what the apostle Paul said about forgiveness, his familiar words touched my heart in a special way: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32, my emphasis).
As I meditated on that verse, I knew I'd been forgiven much. I needed to forgive my friend, even if I didn't feel like it. I decided to do so. Later, when I met her and told her I'd forgiven her, she apologized, and we both cried. I wish I could say she and I became good friends again—but I can't. Her betrayal deeply hurt our friendship, and I was careful never to share another confidence with her. But God's Word and my decision to forgive set me free from bitterness.
Facing the Challenge
Jamie and I are just two of a legion of Christian women who've struggled with forgiveness because it's difficult—almost impossible—to do. Yet in Luke 6:37, Jesus says, "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." He elaborates in Matthew 6:14-15: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." The apostle Paul repeats Jesus' command: "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13). Surely Paul's "whatever grievances" covers any kind of hurt, betrayal, or injury another person could inflict!
In talking with hundreds of women about forgiveness, I've discovered six myths that keep us from the healing and freedom God desires for you and me.
Myth 1:
Forgiving means the offender didn't really hurt you.Jamie thought if she forgave her father, it lessened the severity of his abuse. Yet Jamie's forgiveness doesn't deny her father hurt her. In fact, it clearly recognizes the enormity of his evil—if Jamie's dad hadn't deliberately caused her pain, she'd have no reason to forgive him.
"Forgiveness is a redemptive response to having been wronged and wounded," wrote author Lewis B. Smedes. "Only those who have wronged and wounded us are candidates for forgiveness. If they injure us accidentally, we excuse them. We only forgive the ones we blame." Choosing to forgive her father acknowledges the pain Jamie endured at his hands. It also begins her healing.
Myth 2:
Forgiving means you excuse the offender's hurtful act. When I chose to forgive my friend, I didn't condone her cruel behavior. Forgiveness, I've discovered, is a response that seeks to redeem the hurt, not brush it off. An accidental "slip of the tongue" needs no forgiveness because it isn't deliberately caused. Intentional hurts—like my friend's betrayal—need forgiveness. When I forgave my friend, my forgiveness didn't lessen the impact of her painful action. But forgiveness unlocked my own "prison" of bitterness.
Myth 3:
Before forgiving, you must first understand why the offender hurt you. On December 1, 1997, Missy Jenkins, a sophomore at Heath High School in Paducah, Kentucky, stood with her classmates and prayed before school started. Before they said their final "amen," 14-year-old Michael Carneal pulled out a pistol and fired 11 shots into the student prayer group. One bullet severely damaged Missy's spinal cord. Paralyzed from the waist down, Missy will spend her life in a wheelchair.
Missy doesn't know the reason her classmate deliberately hurt her. Michael may not understand his reasons. But that didn't keep Missy from choosing to forgive him.
"I believe hating him is wasted emotion," Missy says. "Hating Michael won't make me walk again. Besides, I know it isn't what Jesus would do."
Our human mind yearns to make all the confusing puzzle pieces fit together neatly before we forgive. However, the truth is we can forgive an offender even if we never discover the reasons for the inflicted pain. Author Philip Yancey writes in What's So Amazing About Grace, "Not to forgive imprisons me in the past and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield control to another, my enemy, and doom myself to suffer the consequences of the wrong."
Myth 4:
Before forgiving the offender, you must feel forgiving. Forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel. You can feel hurt, betrayed, and angry, and still completely forgive the one who wounded you. Biblical forgiveness is an act of the will. It's a choice you make.
Can you still feel angry after you forgive? Yes! Anger means you're in touch with reality—it's part of being human. But be careful to aim that anger at what your offender did, not at the offender herself. Then let your anger push you toward justice.
Myth 5:
Forgiving means the offender will face no consequences. When we choose to forgive someone, our forgiveness doesn't "let him off the hook." Forgiveness also doesn't mean justice shouldn't be served.
In December 1983, Pope John Paul II visited a prisoner, Mehmet Ali Agca, at the Rebibbia prison in Rome. In May 1981, Agca had aimed a pistol at the pope and shot him in the chest. After much pain and agony, John Paul recovered, and now he looked Agca in the eye, extended his hand, and said, "I forgive you."
Even though the pope forgave him, Agca still faced the consequences of his crime. He served a lengthy prison sentence until he finally was released years later.
Myth 6:
When your offender is punished, you'll find closure.On June 13, 1990, Linda Purnhagen saw her two daughters, Gracie, 16, and Tiffany, 9, for the last time. Dennis Dowthitt, a dangerously sick psychopath, strangled Tiffany to death, then raped Gracie and slit her throat. When authorities discovered the girls' bodies, they arrested and convicted Dowthitt, and scheduled his execution.
A decade later, as executioners strapped him to his death gurney, Dowthitt apologized for the savage killings. But not even his confession, apology, and execution brought closure for Linda. She was disappointed after the execution, not relieved.
We think we can more easily forgive others if they confess the crime and apologize for the pain they caused. But don't look to justice, imprisonment, or execution to bring needed closure and healing. Only forgiveness will do that.
We must rely on the Holy Spirit to impart the grace to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that we ever forget but that we do let go!
Taken from: http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/
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Look Ahead!
Moving forward is very serious in the eyes of God. I want you to get a picture in your mind of a huge grizzly bear chasing after you. You know he’s there, and he’s gaining ground. So, why in the world would you turn around to see if he’s there? Exactly, you wouldn’t. That would be the last thing on your mind because your life is at stake. Moving forward is all of a sudden a very serious matter to you. You are fearing for your life. You want to live.
Jesus said three words in Luke 17:32 “Remember Lot’s wife.” What did He mean by that? Well, in order to understand the meaning, you have to go to Genesis 19:26 to recall the account. Here’s what it said, ” But his (Lot’s) wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.” Then in Luke 9:62 Jesus said, “No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” God wants you to keep moving forward, not looking back behind you.
There are a couple of things I want to point out to you so you can keep moving forward in the grace of God this year. First, like the grizzly, the world is ruled by the adversary, the devil. He seeks to rob from you your spiritual inheritance, to take your soul, and to destroy any good works you’ve built for the kingdom of God. The deceiver is a master at the art of deception, so he won’t appear as a mad bear, but the outcome is the same. He taunts you with all the pleasures of the world, so you will look back to what they have to offer. Secondly, notice the position of Lots wife. Her position changed her condition. She was behind Lot. She was in a place of no accountability. Lot couldn’t see her, so he could not keep her in his sight. He wasn’t able to come along side her and help keep her on track. Her unfit condition positioned her for a fall. We need to keep each other accountable. Find a mature Christian to help keep yourself moving forward and be a mentor to others.
No one has more to offer you than God. God doesn’t bring the flash to deceive and manipulate you. It’s just the opposite. You have to seek Him. You have to ask of Him. You have to knock. Her turning back spoke of an inclination to return. It’s too easy to turn back without accountability. This is another case of extreme measures for extreme times.
Corporately, God is speaking to the Church and saying it’s time to turn fully from folly and wholly serve Him. Individually, God is saying, be obedient to Him because He is the one who can give you life or take your life. Only He has the power to do that. God is a loving God, and He’s not waiting for the opportunity to turn you into a salt lick. He wants you to be passionate about Him and all that He’s done for you. However, God is a just God and all will receive accordingly. So, get excited about Him! Get excited the same way you would get excited about things you do for fun with your friends when you go to a sporting event or something. Make moving forward this year a serious matter.
If God be for us, who can be against us.
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Two Steps To Getting Over The Past
Is there something in your past causing you pain and preventing you from fully experiencing joy in the present? If you're single, maybe you're still hung up on an old flame. You have some regrets and wish you'd handled things differently. If you're in a relationship, perhaps there is an upset you can't seem to move on from. It could be anything from a fight over dinner to a betrayal of trust.
Whatever scenario you happen to be in, it's crippling you and hindering your ability to either connect with a new prospect or reconnect with your partner. People might tell you to just "move on," but you just can't. So what do you do? Well, we have a radical answer for you.
Give Up Getting Over The Past
Here's the truth - and if you really take it in, it will come as a relief:
You NEVER get over the past. Think of getting over something. You get over a challenge, or over a barrier of some sort, but the past has already happened. It's outside of your control. You can't go back and fix what happened. There's absolutely no use stewing over it. Life is filled with a million moments - some will look back on with fondness, and some wish it had never happened. This is normal. What you CAN control is how you will let the past affect you today.
And there's only one way that we really know of that works:
Step 1: Opening Up To Acceptance And Love
You get over the past when you open your heart to it, the moment you accept it as is - the moment you say:
"Ok, that happened. And this is happening now."
There are some verbs that are especially useful in doing this:
Including and welcoming the past.
Until you've included the past and embraced it, you can't put your focus on what you want.
The moment you let go of the past is the moment you love it as it is. Because it's already happened and there's nothing you can do about it in the present.
So give it a drop of love and love yourself for however you feel about it.
Feel remorseful about your past actions? Love yourself for it.
Feel pathetic that you wasted so much time on a situation you can't do anything about? Love yourself for that, too.
When you do this, you become present, so you can create the relationships you want now - both with yourself and with others.
Step 2: Setting New, Positive Intentions
When you accept the past as it is, then the next important step is:
"Ok, NOW what do I want?" When you put attention and actions into what you want to create now - despite what your past is - you can create the relationship future that you really want. Suddenly, the past is no longer a burden for you, but a springboard. What has held you down for so long can now be channeled into something completely new.
Your future is created one new choice at a time!
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Tribute To My Dad
A Tribute for my Father - a Great Leader a Greater Dad
By Victoria Knight Eachus
I miss my Dad. June 16, 2007 my father, Cecil B. Knight went home to Heaven. The next day was Father’s Day. To me it was fitting that the Lord allowed Dad to go then. Of course we always celebrated Father’s Day before but now it seems to be set apart as not only a special day but a sacred day. Because it falls on or close to Dad’s birthday into heaven, Father’s Day now has a depth of meaning beyond Hallmark wishes and a gift card to Home Depot.
I miss my Dad. You may have known him. He was a great leader in our church. He was one of the last great Churchmen. Evangelist, Pastor, National Youth Leader, State Overseer, General Overseer, Educator, Seminary President. 23consecutive years serving on the Executive Council, 14 years on the Executive Committee, 13 years as President of the Pentecostal Theological Seminary (Church of God School of Theology back in the day). Oh my, the long list of accolades I could give. But I am compelled to give tribute to him as Dad…. His favorite title and the highest office he held was that of husband and father and grandfather…Dad and Papa.
I miss my Dad. But I take such delight in hearing people share how he touched their lives. So often I encounter people literally from around the world that have a story about my Dad and how the Lord used him to make a significant difference in their lives. I then love to tell them about what a remarkable Dad and Papa he was too. I would often smile when I would see the Conference Table of the Seminary; reserved for the Board of Directors and very important meetings. To us it was where grandchildren would crawl around hiding, waiting for their Papa to turn the lights out and try to scare them. To many the Executive Council room was an awesome place where global decisions were made…..well to his grandchildren is an awesome place for hide and seek and connecting with a man who instilled in them the confidence to change the globe themselves.
I miss my Dad. One of His favorite scriptures was 3John1:4, especially when communicated in the context of his family….”I have no greater joy that to hear my children walk in the Truth”. In his last weeks of life I was privileged to spend most days with him. During these precious priceless days he shared with me that his most significant achievement was teaching us the Doctrine of the Priesthood of the Family.
Oh you won’t find much about it in a book or a thesis or dissertation or even a video series. I’ve looked. But my Dad lived it out every day with each of us. He lived it out around the dinner table; he lived it out in the car taking his grand sons and great grandson to school every day. He lived it out during shopping sprees at JC Penney’s and family vacations in Panama City. He lived it out at ball games and birthday parties and graduations and at church and at home. He was the unconditional love of Christ to us every day.
I miss my Dad. I miss my phone ringing and hearing him say, “I’m at Cooke’s. Have the kids had vegetables today? Do need anything from the store?” I miss unlocking my front door before 7am every morning for his visit. Without fail every morning before the sun he would spend time with Dewayne, my brother. Following this he would stop by my house to help our family begin our day aware of and saturated with God’s love.
I miss the crazy laugh he laughed with the grandchildren. I miss the duck sound he could make with his throat. I miss seeing him give the Winston Churchill victory sign (that is a peace sign for you too young to recall the Winston Churchill victory sign). I miss the strength of his hands. I miss having him at Sunday lunch. I miss his wisdom. I miss his prayers. I miss his time. I miss the sound of his voice and the smell of his cologne and the shuffle of his step and the love in his eyes.
I miss seeing how many times he’ll go to Publix in Panama City (each day)
I miss hot foot (it’s a game probably only the Knight family could understand)
I miss hearing the rustling of grocery bags as he came into my house; bags full of grape juice, chicken Vienna sausages, and a plethora of chips.
I miss coming home and discovering he had been there to sneak a Red Bull in my fridge – one of my indulgences with four small children. Can you imagine Cecil Knight even buying a Red Bull at the Conoco?
I miss the excitement he had when he knew we would all be around the dinner table. It was palpable. It was joy and delight and peace all rolled up into one energetic ball. He expressed it by frying more okra than you can imagine!
I miss the pride and joy in his eyes when he would listen and watch us there, eating his okra and sharing our lives.
I miss his stories
I miss watching him with my children.
I miss a thousand other things.
I miss my Dad. He knew my flaws and failures and secret struggles yet he constantly encouraged me in my strengths, always pointing me toward Christ, always loving me unconditionally. He accepted me, yet always challenged me to a higher standard and a deeper walk with God. No matter what wrong choice I made, no matter what the failure or disappointment, he stood beside me. If he wasn’t standing beside me, then he was out in front protecting me or making a way for me. If we wasn’t beside me or in front of me, then he was holding me, comforting me. You know, just like Abba Father does. No matter what I faced, no matter the consequence, or shame, or price to be paid, Dad walked the road with me.
Dad loved the Braves. He watched them faithfully, win or lose. I’d love to hear him get so disgusted with them. He’d moan and groan about their losses. He’d call his baby sister Annie, who loved the Braves too and ask her if she was watching. No matter how bad the loss, he’d be watching the next game. He liked their coach Bobby Cox. Bobby Cox never let a player get questioned or even thrown out of a game ALONE. If one of his players questioned. Mistreated, or given a bad call here comes Bobby….defending the player to the point of getting thrown out. That’s my Dad. If one of his children was going to get thrown out, knocked down, pushed away, or face some other difficult situation, then he is going to go through it with us, never to let us walk it alone. Never defending our wrong or our sin, but ferociously defending the son or the daughter.
May I challenge you fathers to live out the doctrine of the priesthood of the family. Live it out with time and prayer and integrity and communication and love and laughter and God’s word. And you too will be able to declare “I have no greater joy that to hear my children walk in the Truth”.
Yes I miss my Dad. But thanks to his love and instruction, I can embrace the Love of my Heavenly Father, who is the God of all Comfort. How great is His Love! My prayer this Father’s Day is the same prayer my Dad prayed in the last weeks of his life. “I pray for renewal and revival in my family” Won’t you make it your prayer too.
This article is an adaptation and from a larger body of writings about life as a Pentecostal preacher’s kid.
Victoria Knight Eachus and her husband Michael live in Cleveland, Tennessee with their four children Caleb, Seth, Elizabeth, and Miriam.
The family worships at the North Cleveland Church of God
Victoria currently works at Lee University in the Office of Church Relations
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Now Faith
"Now" is defined as where we are living now, the immediate, the present moment. So Now means Now! Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." The first thing we need to understand about faith is that it is NOW! Not the past nor the future but right NOW we need to have faith.
When I walked into the coffee shop this morning I had NOW faith. I went to sit down on a chair and trusted that as I sat down, right then, the chair would hold me up. I didn't stand there looking at the chair wondering if it would keep me up or if it might take a few more minutes to get ready to hold me up, no I knew right then, NOW, that it was built to hold me up. I had faith in the chair. Faith simply defined is complete trust in something or someone. So if we have NOW faith in the chair we sit in today, why don't we have faith in God.
Todays focus on faith is the word NOW so let us answer the NOW question. Our society has become what I call a "drive through" generation. In most parts of the world we have instant gratification. While sitting at this same coffee shop I saw a little girl about 4 years old pitching a fit because she wasn't getting her food NOW!! So what did her grandfather do? Instead of administering discipline to teach the child that she has to wait a minute, the grandfather tried all kinds of different antics to get her to calm down. Of course they didn't work!!
We struggle with NOW faith because we can't see or feel the God that we are suppose to have faith in and many times His plan is to make us into His vessel of honor not give us everything we want right NOW. God knows and sees everything and He has a plan. But the paradox is that He wants us to have NOW faith. Believe right NOW for the things we cannot see. So today just take a minute and tell God, I believe NOW that you have everything under control and continue to follow this teaching on Faith to learn more.
If you need to accept Jesus Christ in your life today, click here and get started on your journey in faith!
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Forgiven People Forgive People
We do not have to look very long at Matthew 18 in order to see the logic flow that takes place. It starts with the disciples asking a question, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:1)? There are other moments in the Gospels when similar arguments from the disciples illicit a strong rebuke from Jesus. However, this time is different. Perhaps the disciples were not completely self-serving in the question this time. After all, in the previous chapter the disciples witnessed the transfiguration of Jesus, the healing of a demon-possessed boy, Jesus’ prediction of His resurrection and money miraculously harvested from the belly of a fish. Perhaps the disciples realized it was time to get themselves in order.
Nonetheless, even if the question was not completely self-serving, it was still misguided. That is why the question caused Jesus to think about their need to humble themselves (vv. 2-5). Discussing humility caused Him to think of the ones who fail to humble themselves, and in so doing create stumbling blocks (vv. 6-9). Discussing stumbling blocks reminded Jesus that some of the “little ones” (micros, or opposite of the “greatest” mega) would wander off, and how happy His Father is when one of them is found (vv. 10-14). Discussing wandering sheep reminded Him that He expects His disciples to go and find such sheep. So, He laid out a restoration roadmap for confronting sin and restoring individuals to right relationship (vv. 15-20).
This seems to conclude Jesus’ teaching. He had sufficiently answered the question that the disciples raised. The only problem was that Jesus’ answer had caused a new question in one of the disciples. The logic flow of Jesus had bumped into some logic flow of Peter. He began to think about the implications of what Jesus was saying. Perhaps he began to think of some people who had sinned against him in the past. Maybe he had reluctantly forgiven them, only to watch them turn around and do it again. Knowing Peter, his patience would have been wearing thin. He understood that Jesus expected His disciples to extend mercy and forgiveness to a repentant brother or sister. But surely this had some limits? Even God draws the line somewhere. Right?
So, Peter had to get some clarification. He approached Jesus with a new question, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times” (Matthew 18:21)? Jesus responded with this, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven” (v. 22). My first response to those words is something like this, “That’s 490 times. Wow! Peter doesn’t get it. I mean, 490 times is a lot more than 7 times.” But the response is not meant to make us realize that Jesus expects us to forgive a lot more times. Instead, it is intended to make us realize that there really is no limit. As long as someone continues to recognize their fault and take responsibility for it we are to continue to extend grace and mercy.
In order to illustrate the point Jesus then told a parable. In the parable a king was settling his accounts. One man owed him an amount equivalent to an entire life’s worth of wages. Essentially this man owed his life, and it was more than he could ever pay. The king ordered all that this man had be liquidated in order to pay the debt. The man begged for forgiveness and the king had pity on him and cancelled the entire debt. Despite this incredible act of grace the man turned around and found another man who owed him an amount equivalent to a couple of months wages. Instead of showing the same kind of mercy that he had received from the king the forgiven man choked the other man, demanded repayment, and then had him thrown in prison. When the king heard about it he brought the forgiven man back in, rebuked him, and had him thrown into prison until he could pay back all that he owed, which would essentially be the rest of his life. Then Jesus says, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).
There is a saying that goes like this: Hurt people hurt people. It is a truth that plays out repeatedly throughout the Scripture. However, Jesus has a new expectation for those that will follow Him. His new saying goes like this: Forgiven people forgive people. When we hear the parable that Jesus tells Peter something automatically rises up within us at the overwhelming injustice of it. The story is so appalling that it is almost hard to stomach. That is exactly the response that Jesus is trying to invoke in us. Because that is a picture of how grotesque our failure to forgive others looks from the perspective of heaven. We owe a debt to God that is more than we could ever pay back. While God could demand our punishment, He instead has pity on us and declares our debt cancelled. Even the worst offenses on earth that we inflict on one another are pennies compared to the debt we owe God. He is glad to cancel our debts. However, he demands that we spend the rest of our lives extending that same type of forgiveness to others.
Written by Jonathan Stone of www.stonewritten.com
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31 THINGS YOU CAN DO ABOUT YOUR DEPRESSION TODAY
Depression is difficult to describe. It is a myriad of symptoms spanning the emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual. Is it physical? Is it emotional? Is it relational? Is it spiritual? Well…YES. All of the above. Do antidepressants help? Does talking help? Does making lifestyle changes help? Does addressing spiritual needs help? Does changing cognitions, confronting childhood pain, or taking hormone treatments help? Absolutely. All of the above. Or none at all depending on the person and circumstances.
It is like a knot in a person’s hair…comprised of hundreds of strands…hundreds of origins…with many approaches to its relief.
Depression also is not a box that you are “in” or “out”. It is a spectrum of places on a map with many, many possible locations. A person can be mildly depressed, majorly depressed, or circumstantially depressed. Or, all of the above at different points in a lifetime or a day.
All that being said, here are some things you can do to relieve symptoms of depression TODAY. The list is not meant to be exhaustive. This list also is not meant to be used as treatment for a person with major depressive disorder or any other mental health illness. Someone facing major depressive disorder could be overwhelmed by such a list.
Still, when working with clients who are struggling with depression they can almost be desperate for something they can DO…RIGHT NOW…to get some relief. This post is not meant to be a substitute for therapy or other professional help. Part of depression includes feelings of hopelessness and helplessness…an over all sense of powerlessness…of being stuck…trapped…with no way out. Perhaps, if you are struggling with a mild case of the blues today then you will find some information here that will help you regain some power…and with that some much needed hope.
Also, I have provided “hyperlinks” throughout this article so that you can read more about certain topics. Just click on the highlighted links.
1. Sleep
Sleep issues (too much or not enough) and depression are common bedfellow. So much happens when we sleep. Our emotional experiences get filed away through our dreams. It is “clean up time” for our brain. Without sleep it is like walking around life with a cluttered mind and, like living in a cluttered house, THAT can be depressing!
Sleep and serotonin production also have an important relationship. If you are unfamiliar with the role that some professionals believe serotonin plays in depression and many other symptoms read here and here. There is still a lot unknown about the connection.
Many people struggle to fall or stay asleep. If you are getting little sleep or if your sleep is restless you are going to feel worse and possibly struggle with some depression. Talk to your health care provider about strategies for improving your sleep quality. Start with checking on your sleep “hygiene”. How do you put yourself to sleep at night? Kids need bedtime routines and to be tucked in. Adults do, too.
2. Drink water
There seems to be a connection between dehydration and feelings of depression. Drink up!
3. Go outside
I like to tell clients to “get out of their head and out of their house”. When you are depressed and anxious there can be a tendency to stay home and think. “If I think about this long enough then maybe I can figure this out.” It rarely works that way. Thinking, processing, and reflecting are all very good things to do, but not for all of the time. Get outside. Get some fresh air. Just ten minutes will do you a world of good.
4. Get some sunshine
Most people have heard of SAD…Seasonal Affective Disorder. It inflicts people with feelings of depression during the winter months when there is less sunshine. If your part of the country has been dark and gloomy for days on end and you feel depressed then lack of sunshine could be the culprit. If the weather is nice and you feel down be intentional about exposing yourself to sunshine twenty minutes a day. When Your Body Gets the Blues by Marie-Annette Brown is a great book that expounds on this idea. I highly recommend it.
If you live in an area where there is little sunshine available there are other things you can try. You can purchase a light box. Being outside on a cloudy day can still be helpful. Sitting in a room with a lot of sunlight streaming through windows can also be helpful.
5. Take vitamins
Certain vitamins are clinically proven to influence mood, particularly vitamin D3 and B vitamins. Talk to your healthcare provider about supplementing with these vitamins.
6. Turn off noise
Continuous exposure to noise is correlated with feelings of depression and anxiety. Whether that is the noise of the factory in which you work or the noise of your young children with whom you stay all day, the constant sound could be influencing your mood. If you argue that there is little you can do about these conditions you are probably right. However, this information itself can be empowering and explain a lot. Try setting aside and savoring ten minutes of quiet twice a day. These times might be in the morning on the way to work or in the evening after the kids are in bed. You might ask your spouse to stay with the kids while you take a quiet walk around your neighborhood or shut yourself up in the bathroom with earplugs. Whatever the method try cultivating some silence into your daily routine.
7. Turn off fb/twitter…or at least take a break
Constant connection with a large group of people seems to lead to feelings of depression in some people. We tend to compare our situation with the glossy pictures posted. Perhaps we were never meant to stay up on the comings and goings of so many people from our past and community. Each day take extended breaks from social networks. Step away from your computer and put your phone down. Do an activity where it is almost impossible to use any electronic device such as washing dishes or folding laundry. In addition to cultivating silence, take a break from the networking noise that constantly bombards our mental processes.
8. Walk or exercise
Ruminating, also known as over thinking, is connected to depression. Well, there is something about engaging our bodies that dis-engages our minds…in a GOOD way! Also, the physical exercise gets your blood pumping and oxygen delivered to your brain and other parts of your body. Studies show that even short amounts of exercise improves mood. Exercise seems to relieve symptoms of depression. Get moving!
9. Hug someone
The lack of physical touch in adults can lead to feelings of depression. We live in a virtually connected, fast-paced world. Be intentional today and give some extra hugs.
10. Call a friend
Talking to a trusted friend who is a good listener can relieve feelings of depression. Social connection is critical in treating depression. You don’t have to talk about anything “heavy”. Just reach out and make a connection. Friendships must be nurtured. Invest time in nurturing your social relationships today. Call a friend, send a note, write a quick text message. This daily habit will bring great rewards over the years.
11. Go to church
Involvement in a faith community wards off depression. No church or faith community is perfect. Pick one and be determined to show up for the weekly service on a regular basis.
12. Pray or meditate
Praying and meditating on a daily basis offers a consistent, safe routine that brings comfort to the mind. Not sure what to say? Find a book of prayers offered by your faith community. If you are a Christian, the book of Psalms in the bible is a great place to start. Pray the words provided, making them personal for you. Mindfulness is a form of meditation that some find helpful.
13. Try something or go somewhere new
People struggling with feelings of depression sometimes use words like “stuck” or “trapped”. Sometimes a change in scenery or trying a new activity gives us a nudge out of ”stuck”. The new place or new activity sparks creativity, ideas, and dreams. We find that a situation that seemed hopeless is not hopeless at all. There are options we never even considered when we stayed within the four walls of our home. If you feel like you are at a dead end and there is no way out…no other options…take a short or long trip and see if a change in your literal perspective also changes it figuratively.
14. Dream
A person who is depressed feels flat. It is like their mind and emotions are on lock down. Their emotions…positive and negative…are at low decibels. There is not much dreaming about possibilities. Ingenuity is absent. Dreaming awakens the mind and the soul. Take some time to deliberately practice dreaming. Make up a short story. Write a poem. Be creative. If you struggle to dream about your own future or possibilities, do it for a fictitious character for practice. Whatever gets your mind thinking outside the realm of ordinary and the expected…do it!
15. Journal
Sometimes depression is a red flag. If we think about depression as this part of us…this part that isn’t out to get us, but really wants the best for us…it is easier to be curious about what this depressed part is up to. Often depression is trying to get our attention. It is alerting us to a part of our self that needs some attention, some care, some healing. It is like a child tugging at our skirts, pulling us down to whisper something in our ear: “Pssst. Hey. You. Have you noticed that you work really long hours and never have enough time to laugh and hang out with friends or even cry when you need to?” In order to explore the possible message depression is trying to get to you it can be helpful to journal. Journaling helps you be reflective and to get to know yourself better.
Being an adult is like being your own mom and dad. You have to do for yourself all of the things your parents did for you when you were small. A child needs parents to be able to pay attention to their emotional need. It is difficult to parent a child and meet their needs if you do not know them very well. Journaling can help you get to know yourself where you are RIGHT now so that you can better parent yourself as an adult.
16. Do something for someone else
Some of us are overworked and we are already giving too much of ourselves to others. We don’t know when to say no! However, sometimes we are so stuck in our own little bubble that the “fresh air” of a giving experience can be incredibly uplifting especially when the act of service is not asked for or expected. SOMETIMES depression can cause some self-absorption as we wrestle with our own pain. A simple act of service can give you a break from too much focus on your own “stuff”.
Do something small for someone today who doesn’t expect it. Put a person’s shopping cart back in the store for them, pick up a person’s keys when they drop them. Find small ways to care for others that doesn’t run over your time, but speaks volumes to their heart and yours.
17. Write a letter of gratitude
Gratitude is a proven “upper”. Write a letter to someone expressing gratitude for who they are and things they have done for you and others. Arrange a time to deliver the letter and actually read it to the person out loud.
18. Positivity Brain Training
Name three things that have been positive about your day. It could be that the sky was a pretty shade of blue at sunset or that your favorite show came on. The point is that these positive things do not have to be huge life events.
Next, name one thing that has NOT been good about the day. You lost something important. You found out a friend betrayed you. You got sick. Next, name three things that could end up being good about that negative thing. Perhaps there is something to learn? Something good that COULD come of it? Use your imagination to lay claim to some positive end to the situation even if it doesn’t seem likely.
Our minds sometimes fixate on negativity in the day to day. It is survival mechanism. When you remember something negative the hope is you won’t repeat it! That is all fine and good, but sometimes we need to identify and appreciate the positive things in life. This process involves training our minds to see the good.
Try this exercise on a daily basis. It can be a great dinner time or ride-home-from-school conversation with kids, too.
19. Make a list..and then mark some things off!
When you feel overwhelmed to the point of being depressed closure is a real “upper”. Make a list of things you want to get done…at work, around the house, etc. Choose one or two simple tasks and just do them. Then, whether you keep the list on paper or on your phone…actually mark it off. You may feel a surge of hope that propels you to get something else done. If not, no worries. Congratulate yourself on marking one item off the list and pace yourself for more tasks the next day.
20. Watch a funny movie and laugh on purpose
Laughter…even “fake” laughter…lifts mood. There is something to be said for “acting as if” you feel like laughing. Studies seem to indicate that smiling…even when you don’t feel like it…actually lifts your mood. So, try smiling at a few people around town and then rent a funny movie and set aside time to laugh. No other agenda. Just laughter.
21. Clean your room
According to feng shui a person who is depressed will have more items laying around on the floor of their room. Well, it is true that a cluttered space is overwhelming and taxing on the mind as well as the emotions. As a symbol of cleaning out your mind, set aside time today to really clean your room. Throw away trash, pick up things from your floor, dust, vacuum. Then sit back for a few moments and enjoy the sense of uncluttered space.
22. Drink a cup of coffee.
Coffee can worsen anxiety in people who already experience it, but studies indicate that women who drink coffee experience less depression than those who don’t. No need to over do it, but that is another reason to enjoy your cup of coffee in the morning!
23. Call a therapist.
You may not be able to get in to see a therapist today, but just the act of calling a therapist to start the process of setting up an appointment can bring a surge of hope. Be ready to ask questions about their experience, fees, location, etc. Therapy is about investing in your mental, emotional, and relational health. You get a check up once a year (or you are supposed to!) for your physical body and twice a year for your teeth…doesn’t your mental, emotional, and relational health deserve that kind of attention, too?
24. Call your medical doctor.
There are all sorts of conditions that can cause feelings of depression. From hormonal issues in women to chronic illness, depression is a side effect to many common conditions. There are many kinds of antidepressants available to help combat the symptoms. Studies seem to indicate that a combination of medication and therapy for treatment has the best outcomes. Call your doctor and make an appointment.
25. Say no.
Are you a martyr? Do you get a sense of identity for wearing yourself out for others? Or, maybe you are struggle with a addiction to the identity of achievement and workaholism. People in these situations sometimes carry with them low grade depression that many people do not see. Learn to say no. Do some honest self-reflection about why you say “yes” and remember that every time you say “yes” you are saying “no” to something else that could be meaningful for you…like time for family, friends, self-care…rest.
26. Say yes.
Sometimes when struggling with depression a person can get “paralysis of analysis” and never try anything for fear of the “what if’s”. Here’s the thing…most “what if’s” aren’t the end of the world. Sometimes putting yourself out there, trying something new is a great way to get “un-stuck” and feel a renewed sense of hope in life.
27. Learn to speak up for yourself
There is passive, there is aggressive, and there is assertive…simply saying what you need to say. Sometimes if we are overly passive we interpret assertiveness as aggression. There is a correlation between passivity and depressed feelings. In fact, women who are passive are often depressed, resentful, AND angry! Find a good book about communication and consult a therapist to learn more about how to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
28. Consider your circumstances
There is something in therapy called “normalizing”. This approach is used when a person’s symptoms are made worse by thinking that they are far out of the range of normal. If it is true that some of what they are experiencing is normal, then it is very appropriate to point this fact out. The truth is that we can get depressed about being depressed! If you have experienced death, divorce, or any other major life event as well as stressful circumstances like mothering small children…it is probably quite normal for you to experience some depressed feelings. “Normalizing” your experience is not a magic wand that takes away the problem, but it can take the edge off.
29. Confront your irrational beliefs (including mind reading!)
There is a type of therapy called REBT (rational emotive behavioral therapy). At risk of oversimplification, the gist is that depression and anxiety are the result of irrational beliefs we tell ourselves and live from. These irrational beliefs are often triggered by an event. Therapy involves identifying the irrational beliefs and triggers, confronting the beliefs, and changing them. While REBT works best with a trained professional, you can start the process by paying attention to your “inner dialogue”…the script running through your mind all day. What sort of beliefs do you hold to? Why do you do things? What do you find you telling yourself often? Write them down. Start observing yourself, your thinking, and your responses. Enlist the help of a trusted friend to evaluate your thoughts. Again, this part is often best done with a trained professional.
30. Find meaning in your experience
Again, accompanying depression is a sense of hopelessness and helplessness…and overall sense of powerlessness. Sometimes life progresses and we struggle to retain meaning in life…in the pain, in the joys, in the day-to-day life of living. Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, believed that people survived even the most horrible of circumstances when they could find meaning in their existence…in the experience. Take some time to consider what God could be up to in your life and in the lives of those around you. This involves an element of trust in your Maker. How could this situation be seen in a different light? How could He be working all things out for good (Romans 8:28)? Or, where is the beauty in this darkness? What glimpses of hope and light do you see around you?
31. Don’t take things too seriously
Sometimes we can take life and ourselves TOO seriously. We can read too many touching, incredibly meaning stories and blog posts. We can watch one too many Hallmark movies. We can have one too many serious conversations. If you tend to lean towards the serious side of life, remember to lighten up. Invest some time into doing nothing of significance for a few hours. A great deal of significance might come out of them!
I hope this information is helpful to someone. May it be a starting point or a resting stop on your journey.
Written by Emily Stone @ stonewritten.com
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Developing Faith in the Father
“That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge….” Ephesians 3:16-19
In this day and hour, we as God’s people are taking our rightful position…dedicating ourselves to God, renewing our minds with the Word, setting ourselves apart from the carnal ways of the world, committing ourselves to walk in the love of God.
God has promised us the knowledge of His love. First John 4:16 says, “We have known and believed the love that God hath to us.” Believing that love is acting on it and putting it into operation. When we do, we reach out into areas that pass human knowledge.
Again, Ephesians 3:17 says, “That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love.”
We are to be rooted and grounded in the love of God. In His parable of the sower, Jesus said that those sown on stony ground had no root in themselves (Mark 4:15-17).They heard the Word with gladness, but when persecution and affliction came for the Word’s sake, they were offended. They didn’t respond in the love of God. They responded in the natural realm and Satan stole all the Word that was in them. They were not rooted in love.
God is declaring unto you and me that we can have a comprehensive revelation of His love—its height, its depth, its width and its breadth. To know His love is to know God because He is love. God is telling us: “I’ll teach you all there is to know about Me.” He has been wanting, since the beginning of time, to share Himself with us—not part, but all! Think about that! God is offering you and me understanding of the height, depth, width and breadth of Himself. It’s almost unbelievable, but it is true.
God has a spiritual capsule and this capsule goes into effect when you get into the Word and allow God to minister to you. God will, by His Spirit, build that capsule around you and protect you from all that is happening in the outside world. If you will walk in the Word, you can be protected at all times and the wicked one will not be able to touch you. That capsule is the shield of faith. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God (Romans 10:17).
Faith works by love. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:16 that faith quenches all the fiery darts of the wicked one—not part of them, all of them. The first time I heard Brother Kenneth Hagin say this, I was thrilled! He spoke to Satan and said, “Satan, my household is off limits to you.” Then he put a sign in the world of the spirit that said, “Off limits, Satan. This means you!” Glory to God! I had always thought Satan held the key to my back door and could come and go as he pleased. Then I found out my authority as a believer.
Developing Faith in God’s Love
You might ask, “How do you know when your faith is developed in a certain area?” The same rules apply to the development of faith in every area of life. Faith is faith in any Bible subject—whether it is the new birth, the infilling of the Holy Ghost, right-standing with God, divine health, divine prosperity or some other area. It is the same spiritual substance. It works the same in every situation.
1. Put the Word first place. Don’t be moved by feelings.To develop your faith in God’s love, or in anything else from God, you have to learn what the Word says about it. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God(Romans 10:17). For instance, Psalm 23:6 says,“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” Put that Word first place. Don’t ever go by how you feel about the love of God. Don’t confess anything else. Be confident in the fact that God’s mercy and goodness follow you all the days of your life. You should read the book of 1 John over and over on a regular basis.
2. Meditate on the Scriptures concerning God’s love.Meditation develops the capacity for faith. As you meditate on God’s Word and your capacity begins to grow, you recognize the power God’s love can have in your life. Then the things of Satan will begin to shrink and lose their grip over you, as you realize the fullness of God’s Word.
3. Act on the Word concerning the love of God.First John 4:11-12 says, “Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.” By practicing this love on one another, the love of God is perfected in us.
The word perfected means “allowed to run its full course.” You can let God’s love run its full course in your life. Love never fails.Here we are reaching for that “zero failure rate.” It is possible, and it will come to pass! How are we going to do it? Not by becoming perfect ourselves, but by acting on the Word of God and allowing the love of God, which is perfect, to run its full course in our lives. Even though we make mistakes, that love force will be there to prevent failure.
4. Decide to live the love life. Make the quality decision to live by love. To develop your faith in divine healing, you have to make the decision to be well, or you never will be healed. A quality decision is a necessity in learning to live the love life.
What is a quality decision? A decision from which there is no retreat.It simply means this: “With God in heaven as my helper, He that is within me is greater than he that is in the world. I refuse to allow anything to hinder me from walking in love. I make the quality decision to walk the love walk, whether anyone else does or not.”
It is a necessity that we renew our minds to the supernatural power of the love of God. We must develop our faith and renew our minds so that we respond in love without having to think about it. We must learn to live in love, walk in love, talk in love and edify one another in love. Then when the pressures come, when the hard times come, when disasters approach us, we won’t have to stop and think. We will immediately react in love.
The secret to successfully combat Satan is to retaliate in the spirit, not in the natural.The love walk is 100 percent in the spiritual realm. This is where God wants the Body of Christ to walk. By developing our faith in the love of God, it will work and bring about that “zero failure rate.”
Now say this: “O God in heaven, I commit myself today to develop my faith in the love of God. I commit myself to Your Word, to be pleasing unto You—to walk in love, even as Jesus walked. I make the quality decision now to walk in love, talk in love, think in love and respond to all things in love. I renounce selfishness in the Name of Jesus. It has no part in me. I am born of love, so I will walk in love!”
The Power of God’s Love
By walking in God’s love, you release a force to work in your behalf—a force that has all the appearance of weakness but is stronger than any force in existence. To walk in love is to step aside and allow the power of the universe to come between you and the situation you are dealing with.
Romans 8:37 says, “Nay….” In other words, “No, you are not a lamb for the slaughter.” It says, “Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors.” You are more than a conqueror! It is one thing to conquer; it is another thing entirely to conquer and occupy! Praise God!
You are one spirit with the Lord. Glory to God! He paid the price, so you wouldn’t have to. You didn’t have to go to the Cross; He went for you.
You are more than a conqueror through Him who loved you—through the power of that love. There is an unseen power that goes into operation when a person is developed in the love of God and knows how to walk in it. When the world starts to run over you because you appear to be weak, they will run into the unseen power. It’s all around you. It’s in you—ever ready for whatever comes. God wants you to be full of the Word and use His Name without fear. It is yours to use, and God will back you with His power just like He said He would.
One of the most outstanding examples of the power of God’s love was manifested during Jesus’ ministry. In John 8, Jesus was confronted by some Jews as He was teaching in the temple. His words were so forceful in the face of their traditional thinking that they were angered. John 8:59 says, “Then took they up stones to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple, going through the midst of them, and so passed by.”
Jesus just turned around and walked through the midst of the crowd. They were trying to stone Him and He walked off! They couldn’t even see Him! This verse says He hid Himself. He was protected by an invisible shield—the love of God.
I have known men who walked in that kind of protection, and I have walked in it myself from time to time. It is the protective shield of God’s love that every believer can walk in, but very few know how. Jesus said, “Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matthew 7:14). But thank God for the few who do! And I have made up my mind to be one of those!
To walk in love is to walk in the very highest spiritual realm there is. Jesus walked in that realm. We have seen it operate in His earthly ministry. Another example of the power of God’s love is found in Acts 7. It is the story of Stephen as he stands before the high priest, accused of blasphemy. Acts 6:5 describes him as “a man full of faith and of the Holy Ghost.”It says in verse 8, “Stephen, full of faith and power, did great wonders and miracles among the people.”
Stephen preached the gospel as his defense and his accusers were outraged:
When they heard these things, they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed on him with their teeth. But he, being full of the Holy Ghost, looked up stedfastly into heaven, and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing on the right hand of God. And said, Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of man standing on the right hand of God. Then they cried out with a loud voice, and stopped their ears, and ran upon him with one accord. And cast him out of the city, and stoned him: and the witnesses laid down their clothes at a young man’s feet, whose name was Saul. And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep (Acts 7:54-60).
Stephen was demonstrating the love of God. He said the one thing Jesus said at Calvary: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” Stephen showed he had the same capacity to love as Jesus. The love of God was perfected in his life. He imitated Jesus.
How did Stephen learn? By waiting on tables. By serving people.Through Stephen and his ministry, great miracles were done. Where were they done? Among the people.
First John 5:1, 4-5 says, “Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?” God is love and we are born of love. Every born-again believer on the face of this earth is a world-overcomer. He is not in the process of overcoming the world; he is a world-overcomer. You can be a world-overcomer and never overcome. You can be a rich man and starve to death. You are a creature with a will and a choice. You may never realize it in your own life, but as far as God is concerned, you have already overcome.
Let’s read Romans 5:3-5, “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
We definitely know we have the same capacity to love as Jesus does because it is the love of God that has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Think about that. The love of God is shed abroad in your heart. God’s love is in you because He is in you. You are born of Him. You have been made one spirit with the Lord. What is that spirit? The Holy Spirit. Who is He? He is compassion and mercy and love.
Rooted and Grounded in Love
First John 2:5 says, “Whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected.”
There are two ways to perfect the love of God in your life—by keeping the Word of God, and by practicing love on others.
Love takes practice and we can practice on each other. You won’t operate perfectly in love at the very beginning; but as you keep at it, you will get better and better. If you fail, just simply confess it as sin, receive your forgiveness, and go on. Keep loving. Keep overlooking the shortcomings of others and look for Jesus in them!
-KCM.org
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God’s Grace Is Sufficient!
God’s Grace Is Sufficient……How does that work?
How sufficient can God’s grace be for you personally if you don’t know how to apply it to make it work? Just because your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life doesn’t mean God’s grace is automatically going to start changing everything in your life. You are in position to be able to receive His grace because you are a member of the family of believers. Your old man can become new, and as he is becoming new, the old man will fall away. The old man, the old sinful nature and all the baggage that went with him, can begin to shrink and lose its form because there is now an opportunity for you to transform. Set before you is a whole new way to live, and all you have to do now is to learn how to connect to this grace that is sufficient.
Let me explain this transformation process of the new man by God’s grace which works by faith in a way you can relate. One day, you decide to make a change to your physical, outward body. You go to a place where you can accomplish this transformation process – the gym. You go and enroll into a membership program, and you automatically become a member of that organization. However, it doesn’t mean you automatically get the body you desire. You are only in position to receive that new body because you are now a bona fide member. Your name is in the book.
You want to put off the old body so you can put on a new one you desire. A personal trainer approaches you and says, “You will find this place is sufficient for all of your physical training needs. By being a member here, you are now in position to receive the new body you’ve always wanted and get rid of the old one you now have. But, you have to follow the instructions on how my fitness program works so you can get the results you are after. Otherwise, it isn’t going to work.”
When I make this comparison to getting spiritually fit, people begin to smile and get excited because they know how physical transformation works. When they hear it explained this way, they begin to hope. All they needed to hear was that there is a simple plan to follow for their spiritual body like there is for their physical body that will allow God’s grace to transform them, thereby being sufficient. Today’s blog was written to bring you hope in knowing the best is yet to come for you. Now you know that God’s grace will be sufficient once you know how to connect to it.
by John Powers
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My Only Obsession
My Only Obsession
I’m writing today from what feels like a fragmented heart. Perhaps there will always be remnants of that, if nothing else, to remind me of my total dependence on Abba Father. I have been crying out to Him so much and I know He hears me, so something must be stirring within me.
I remember years ago I wrote that salvation is the process through which God removes all obstacles that keep us from knowing Him. Do you ever feel like sometimes that you are on the ultimate obstacle course… that everything possible is thrown into your path, just when you thought you were making progress? Why are we always struggling for something more?
From the time we are born we have a strong desire to possess, and even as children we say, “this is mine!” We can never truly own anything; we can only borrow it for a short while. God gives us many wonderful things in our lives to enjoy, but these things were never meant to rule over us or drive us. The blessings we have in this life were meant to be held loosely and not clutched in fear or sought after in desperation. However, until our void of need and want is filled with what God intended—to truly know Him and be known by Him—we will continue on the path of possessing.
It is so subtle and our hearts are so easily deceived that only through the Holy Spirit’s revelation can we even see what we are striving to possess. Part of our struggle as humans is that we are obsessively striving to possess the very things that will only bring death and destruction to our hearts and souls. We long for what will never satisfy us and will only bring more emptiness with its loss.
So what are we trying to possess that is so wounding our hearts? One of the greatest wounds we bear in life is loss. If we are trying to possess another person within a relationship, we will experience some kind of rejection or the loss of connection eventually. If we are trying to possess significance, we will at some point suffer the loss of status or reputation. If we are trying to possess material things, we will experience loss through taxes, theft, decay, or the loss of our interest. If we are trying to possess even our own health, we will experience loss every day that we grow older and move toward death.
Sometimes we only cover the pain of our loss and go through our lives using whatever we can find that fits for the moment to help us numb the pain. If we can’t possess it, we use it, and when it is all used up, we move to the next available thing that life offers at the time.
We must realize that we will always experience loss because we were never intended to possess anything but God’s love.
If we look at the life of Jesus we can see His one true obsession—His relationship with His Father. Jesus came to do the will of His Father, which was to restore the breach in our relationship with Him. Jesus wanted so much to reveal His Father’s love and acceptance to us because He knew that was the very thing for which we were made and without it we would forever remain empty.
The Song of Solomon says it well... ”I am my beloved’s and he is mine.” When our obsession, our one true desire, becomes our Abba Father and the lavish love He has for us, we can know fulfillment and true joy for the first time. Once we have tasted the bread from His divine table, nothing else will satisfy. There is no peace so settling, no joy so lasting, and no love so healing to the heart. His loving-kindness is better than life itself! Our hearts were made for Him, and He is the only one who can hold our hearts and fill us to overflowing with the never-ending fountain of His love.
So in this broken place today, I can be thankful that I’m aware of my losses; I’m aware of my emptiness; I’m aware of my need, my hunger, my thirst. I can lay all of this brokenness at His feet, knowing that He will not turn me away empty but will give me the one thing I need the most—Himself…
my only obsession!
Written By: Karen Ward @ blog.hopetojoy.com
